In my previous post, I talked about my fear of rejection and suggested a couple of ways to overcome it. Here, I would like to follow up with how to let go of the need for approval because fear of rejection can make a person constantly seeking for approval. This need for approval may become a habit even after we’ve overcome our fear of rejection.
It’s totally fine to look for approval from others occasionally because we have emotional needs- affection, validation, security, etc. When our emotional needs are met and responded to appropriately, they keep us in balance. But, if we are so addicted to approval that it creates immense anxiety and impacts our mental health and relationships, it’s best for us to let go to start to live a happy life. And believe me, it’s possible to do so because I’ve done it.
Analyze Where It All Began
Often, behavior issues are rooted in early life. When we understand the root cause then we will be able to determine which strategies best fit and address the issues.
In my early life, my best friend rejected me. One day she decided to stop hanging out with me and started going out with a group of other people. I was deeply hurt and started to believe I wasn’t good enough for people to like me. From then on, I did all I could for people to like me and developed the habit of seeking approval. This constant need for approval triggered my anxiety whenever I was around people.
Knowing this cause enables me to deal with my approval-seeking behavior.
Practice Self-Acceptance
Recently, I read somewhere “You have to accept yourself before you can change.” I find there is some truth in it because that’s where self-confidence begins. This way, you will be strong enough to do what feels right for you without looking to others to feel good about your choices.
Practicing self-acceptance can be challenging and may not come easy, but I encourage you to give your best effort.
Remember an Opinion is Only an Opinion
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. There are billions of people in this world, we can be sure to find different opinions on what they say or think about us. We must learn not to give these opinions power and get attached to approval seeking.
Accept Rejection and Criticism
Rejection and criticism hurt. We’ve all experienced the pain of rejection and/or criticism. Learn to accept it by first acknowledging the pain and telling ourselves that it’s okay to feel the hurt and that we do not need approval from others. Having said that, sometimes we need to know when to take healthy, constructive feedback from others, while not relying completely on outside approval of our sense of self-worth.
Practice Standing up for What Feels Right to Us
Lastly, start and constantly practice standing up for ourselves. We can begin by understanding why we feel what we feel and then take small steps to stand up for ourselves.
Final Words
If you are still in need of approval after trying out the tactics that I mentioned, enlisting a trained therapist may help.