Lying to ourselves or self-deception is the process of acquiring or maintaining false beliefs even though there is strong evidence to the contrary.
If we look deeper into our lives, we see evidence of self-deception all the time. We lie to ourselves about our abilities, our true intentions, how happy or sad we are, our relationships, etc.
But why do we lie?
We lie to ourselves because we want to avoid the pain associated with feelings like guilt, shame, abandonment, and rejection and to feel better. It’s like an alcoholic who convinces himself that he does not have a drinking problem to avoid shame about drinking.
We lie to ourselves to protect our self-image and to preserve our self-identity. People who believe they have a perfect marriage will lie to themselves that there are no problems in their relationships even when their partners cheated on them.
Sometimes, self-deception can be good for us. When we believe we are more talented and capable than we really are can improve our self-esteem and help us succeed in our careers.
Lying to ourselves can sometimes be an act of coping mechanism; it helps us to distort and manipulate the truth to be more consistent with what we can psychologically tolerate.
But in my opinion, self-deception always does more harm than good.
When we refuse to face the reality that is upsetting and unfavorable and lie to ourselves, it can prevent us from taking actions that could improve our life. If we are in an unhealthy and manipulative relationship and we convince ourselves that the relationship is good. This will prevent us from taking the action we need to.
If we constantly lie to ourselves about our shortcomings, our personal growth will be sabotaged. We can work on our weaknesses only when we are honest about them.
Final Thoughts
We all lie to ourselves but that doesn’t make it harmless. To grow and be truly happy, we need to learn to stop self-deception.