For more than half of my life, I depended on other people for approval and validation, and I struggled with low self-esteem and deep depression. After my last severe depression, I’ve done a lot of work to prevent a relapse and it is 13 years since.
Along the way, I’ve learned unconditional self-love and accepted myself as I am without needing approval. I also learned the importance of self-talk i.e., what we say to ourselves, and it has a huge impact on my life. I found that positive self-talk improves your self-esteem, relationship, and well-being. Whereas negative self-talk makes you always expect the worst, causes an increase in stress, and can lead to depression. And research has also been done to support this.
Here, I would like to share with you some of the strategies I used to improve positive self-talk.
Identify and replace negative thinking.
The first step is to identify your negative thinking and replace them with more helpful things that you can say to yourself. Listed below are some examples:
|
Negative thinking |
More helpful thinking |
|
Nobody likes me |
It’s okay with not being liked by everyone else |
|
Others are better than me |
I create this comparison myself and I have my own strengths |
|
I am stupid |
I am smart |
|
I should/must do/have to/can’t |
I choose to/could |
Give yourself a compliment.
Compliments make us feel good, whether we give them or receive them. And do you know that when you encourage and compliment yourself, you unlock your confidence? Since I started saying compliments to myself, my confidence has increased. Another benefit of doing so is you don’t have to wait for someone else to recognize your successes.
Surround yourself with positive people.
The people you’re with have a massive impact on your self-image. When you surround yourself with positivity, you are more likely inclined towards positive self-talk.
Treat yourself like you would your friend.
A lot of the time when you fail at something or when you don’t like yourself, you blame and say harsh things about yourself. But would you do the same thing to a friend? My guess is you would be kinder to your friend than to yourself. So, start to think of yourself as a friend and apply the same compassion.
Use positive affirmations.
When you repeat an affirmation to yourself, you are directing a new thought in your mind. And with enough repetition, you are more likely to believe them.
Final Thoughts
Our self-talk can be supportive and beneficial, boosting our confidence, or negative and self-defeating, undermining our confidence. If you tend to be pessimistic and are overwhelmed by negativity, and need help implementing positive self-talk strategies, consider consulting a therapist.